Making My Confession (version 3)

[Mark A Becker]

Revised.

Hey Tim-
I really like this revision. Made some comments, below:

In a junkyard of dawn’s dreaming
next to a ziggurat of glass bottles
dilettantes sit on milk crates
sipping tepid lattes. They speak
in whispers, not to be overheard
(by the spies in the bottles.)  Added ( ) to imply secrecy

Recording their sermons in an alphabet
of my own invention,  I carry them home, I tripped at these lines: sorta odd sentence structure.  Also, I don't think "sermons" really fits in this piece. Maybe "rants"
memorize the lines and repeat them
as I encounter another day’s deceptions
until dusk’s slow dismantling
releases me and night makes me
invisible again.

Maybe:

I took notes in an alphabet
of my own invention. When I get home
I'll try to decipher the lines  If "they" are "dilettantes" (ie possibly pompous?), then why memorize what they say?
as I encounter another day’s deceptions
until dusk’s slow dismantling
releases me and night makes me
invisible again.

I don't know that the title is working anymore, because you don't seem to confess anything within this piece, while "they" or the "dilettantes" may.  That the confession is vague is fine with me, though.

Anywho, enough for now.
Mark