Insomnia
#2
(10-21-2021, 09:27 AM)RiverNotch Wrote:  I dream the same, but now I treat
the ones where I am loved by one
who loves meĀ like how I love them
as nightmares. How am I to sleep
knowing that I might have to run
chased by a beast just out of frame
or chasing one who sublimates
the moment sunlight strikes my face?
Firstly, new to critique so--
take it with a grain of salt.

It looks like you were trying to keep all the sentences
at the same length, which is a nice change of pace
what with all the wonky space poetry usually presentedĀ 
on this site.
Maybe it takes away from the poem a little, I don't know

I found that first bit a little long winded.
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Messages In This Thread
Insomnia - by RiverNotch - 10-21-2021, 09:27 AM
RE: Insomnia - by Kerbonzo_beenz - 10-21-2021, 10:24 AM
RE: Insomnia - by busker - 10-21-2021, 01:22 PM
RE: Insomnia - by RiverNotch - 10-21-2021, 10:20 PM
RE: Insomnia - by rowens - 02-13-2022, 06:22 PM



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