To the grave

[Kerbonzo_beenz]

Hi KB,

This poem has a lot of promise.  First things first:  you need to spell check your words a bit more.

Secondly, consolidate your lines more, thus:

“Bulky white caterpillars plume from
factory exhaust pipes.  They dissipate
away into the deep cobalt sky.

Inhaling a breath of this noxious air,
surely I will take this with me.

Sun shines brilliant on the horizon
but just behind the hills is a distant calling ………etc.”

Those two things done, I will have more to say.

Let’s see a revision and I will have more suggestions.

m'kay, whatcha got? Thanks btw