10-21-2021, 05:29 AM
Hey Tim-
I really like the revision. In-line comments, below:
In a junkyard of dawn’s dreaming
next to a zigurrat of glass bottles
dilettantes sit on cracked milk crates
sipping tepid lattes served by a waiter
costumed as a plague doctor. They speak I'd still kill the DR
in whispers, not to be overheard
by the spies in the bottles.
The stenographer, a junkie from Amarillo, Still don't need the stenograher
transcribes their sullen sermons into an alphabet "scrawls" ?
of her own invention. I will carry it home, turn on "it" ?
memorize the relentless lines and repeat them
as I read a day’s deceptions from faceless aviators "of the day's deceptions" ? "aviators" ??
until dusk’s slow dismantling releases me turn on "dismantling" ?
and night makes me invisible again. turn on "me" ?
Those are my two cents. Hope they make sense.
Mark
I really like the revision. In-line comments, below:
In a junkyard of dawn’s dreaming
next to a zigurrat of glass bottles
dilettantes sit on cracked milk crates
sipping tepid lattes served by a waiter
costumed as a plague doctor. They speak I'd still kill the DR
in whispers, not to be overheard
by the spies in the bottles.
The stenographer, a junkie from Amarillo, Still don't need the stenograher
transcribes their sullen sermons into an alphabet "scrawls" ?
of her own invention. I will carry it home, turn on "it" ?
memorize the relentless lines and repeat them
as I read a day’s deceptions from faceless aviators "of the day's deceptions" ? "aviators" ??
until dusk’s slow dismantling releases me turn on "dismantling" ?
and night makes me invisible again. turn on "me" ?
Those are my two cents. Hope they make sense.
Mark