10-20-2021, 10:49 PM
Hi KB,
This poem has a lot of promise. First things first: you need to spell check your words a bit more.
Secondly, consolidate your lines more, thus:
“Bulky white caterpillars plume from
factory exhaust pipes. They dissipate
away into the deep cobalt sky.
Inhaling a breath of this noxious air,
surely I will take this with me.
Sun shines brilliant on the horizon
but just behind the hills is a distant calling ………etc.”
Those two things done, I will have more to say.
Let’s see a revision and I will have more suggestions.
This poem has a lot of promise. First things first: you need to spell check your words a bit more.
Secondly, consolidate your lines more, thus:
“Bulky white caterpillars plume from
factory exhaust pipes. They dissipate
away into the deep cobalt sky.
Inhaling a breath of this noxious air,
surely I will take this with me.
Sun shines brilliant on the horizon
but just behind the hills is a distant calling ………etc.”
Those two things done, I will have more to say.
Let’s see a revision and I will have more suggestions.