10-14-2021, 08:30 AM
(10-13-2021, 01:20 PM)busker Wrote:
(10-13-2021, 12:38 PM)Kerbonzo_beenz Wrote: Sunspots
warping the corona radiata
Slowly flowing across,
and connecting
like droplets of water.
A troublesome set of eyes,
darting around;
another creature at the helm.
Many worlds--
unable to converge.
Feedback on this would be: it’s far too wordy for a short poem
Sunpots do not warp the corona
The analogy between sunspots and droplets of water is a strange one. If it is meant to be a contrast, it isn’t built upon
Eyes darting around - very different speeds than sunspots or droplets of water. These are just very dissimilar things and the analogy doesn’t hold
The conclusion is vague
(10-14-2021, 08:30 AM)Kerbonzo_beenz Wrote: [quote="busker" pid='256390' dateline='1634098801']The corona radiata is a part of the brain where most of the nueral traffic goes through.
[quote="Kerbonzo_beenz" pid='256385' dateline='1634096332']
Sunspots
warping the corona radiata
Slowly flowing across,
and connecting
like droplets of water.
A troublesome set of eyes,
darting around;
another creature at the helm.
Many worlds--
unable to converge.
I wasn't referring to the sun.