10-13-2021, 07:59 PM
(10-13-2021, 06:21 PM)RiverNotch Wrote: TristesseThe poem builds to a beautiful climax.
The reaction is purely physiological
in nature. You may find yourself
tremble then go limp
warm and red: think
nothing of it if
you can think at all. Thinking
comes from experience -- eventually
you won't be able to help
but think -- which is why we advise. …. The narrator is an enigmatic character in the background. I’m thinking the doctors of A Clockwork Orange
you try to think nothing
of it. Some people make
small talk marking
the weather or
the traffic.
Some people smoke.
Stare at the ceiling perhaps, contemplate
its spareness, white. ….. “spare ceiling” is a bit of a cliche
graded by shadow. Absorb the light
diffusing through the curtain. Your body
is the room, your heart the bed, ….. I love the gradual unwrapping of the lines. Beautiful.
your eyes and skin the curtain and the window: is it not
a part of nature to spark, to sizzle,
to grow hot, to glow red …. One too many "to”s?
then white, to discharge
particulate matter
when ignited? ….. particulate matter doesn’t resemble tears, if that’s the analogy
Only when you switch
on a light, when you drag yourself from the sheets
and open the door to the hall, does it become
something else. ….. oh man. This is a bombshell.
S2 is far superior to S1. The beginning could be better..
Overall, great work