Via Crucis

[CRNDLSM]

   I'm getting heavy Jesus being crucified vibes

  Via Crucis

“You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.”

Why a Mary Oliver quote?  As a heading I want the rest of the poem to back up the statement 

                                         
                                                     Mary Oliver
     

It is a journey whose path he has retraced 'it is' is a defining moment that will stay with me the rest of the poem
Too many times to enumerate.
Identical steps and faux pas committed
In repetition like a mantra. Rosary? Stations of the cross?  Am I off base?

What if one of the markers ONE, which one, does it matter?
That measured a life no longer existed? Like what if he skipped a step?  That would mean all the steps, what if there was no Jesus at all
What if the basement apartment was no longer 
The first home for an immigrant family is this the one marker? Is this the first marker that represented current personal thoughts and meditations?
Of six whose thread-bare existence
Was supplanted via the cultural divide via in the title
Between the two solitudes? I looked up Mary Oliver and solitude was something she looked for in walks, the two solitudes would be the immigrant in the basement and the person walking the stations?

What if it did not include the first elementary school 'it' again, the journey? The marker? A different marker? Or just another thing to wonder
Ever attended or the first memories
Of the depanneur where sports collectibles
And comic books were purchased
Along with jelly-bellies and jawbreakers? The list at the end, why depanneur, french? Canada? Convenient store?  A little too hodge podge for me

What if it did not encompass 'it' again, what I like here is a suggestion that the via crucis (way of the cross?) Encompasses all
The subway station where he last spoke
To his first love and how 
In turning away her affections
He refuted his own – crushing her
Aspirations to forge a life
That he will never know? Tthis is much more personal than the convenient store or immigrant family unless the narrator is both, 

What if a now empty and deserted St. Rita’s church
Where he received his first communion
Adopting the Christian name John – not fashioned
After the Baptist but after the Beatle
Whom he so much wanted to, but
Could never emulate, was not built? What if there wasn't those steps, and I was never a Christian, Mary Oliver suggests 'i do not have to be good' because what is good?  Could I be good without Jesus?  Could I be bad? This last 'was not built' tripped me up.  Clearer punctuation might help with that.  I also find it funny you need to mention the church is now deserted 

What if the final leg of the trek comes this line suggests you narrator repeatedly make the trek, and are disheartened by the endless suffering, 
To a close at the outdoor hockey rink 
in St. Paul de la Croix park, the first place
where he started to skate on thin ice? I really like this last line, st. Paul who blew up Christianity turned into a skate park, but can I enjoy the skatepark without Jesus.  Jesus on thin ice, like walking on water, yet being on thin ice he's about to die.  You narrator also being on thin ice.

Maybe I'm wrong but I do like some of the questions that i asked after reading.  I think it could be a little more obvious without dangering the feeling.  Too much puzzle can be hard to relate.  Suggesting one marker makes me want other markers or more specific reasons these spots brought with them these thoughts.  Or a more fluid jump from history to internal emotions.  I'm not sure your why through this but I think it could be longer.  Hope I helped, good luck, thanks for sharing