10-08-2021, 03:21 AM
White burlap rags
buried in the trough of a dune.
Sand covered goggles stare upward;
chunky clouds slowly dance across the skies.
They uncover themselves to form a bodysuit.
She stumbles her way to her feet.
Crawling up to the summit
she stands from the top
surveying a grand expanse of desert and sky.
Flapping in the wind:
she is hollow on the inside
lacking any organs or skeleton,
just an animated suit
with black goggles.
She walked until twilight
without a single artifact to distinguish before and after
in this endless desert.
Her goggles flickered on in the dark:
blue on the left, red on the right.
jupiter and mars?
She stopped walking.
Collecting her few thoughts.
take out 'few'.
It never occured to her to look at herself.
take out 'to her'.
On her right arm she found a bar code
with small text below it reading "blank."
Looking up, there appeared a large rusty old wind turbine standing before her
take out 'there'. take out 'old'. take out 'standing before her'.
not having been there previously.
take out the above line. id like to preserve the word 'previously', but its not worth it.
A bleeched red skeleton in tattered clothing lay propped up against it.
It looked up at her and then down again,
laboring breaths without any lungs.
this part can be reworded.
the rest is fine.
im paying no attention to spelling.
"Hello Orrison," It said, "Nice to see you again."
Orrison remained quietly bemused.
"I must not have remembered what happened here. Where am I at?" she asked.
"The beginning," the skeleton said.
"You could stay and chat a while or I can send you to the fading world of Sepia."
Orrison sat down crosslegged next to the skeleton.
"I'll be going soon. I will sit with you for a while though."
The skeleton looked over at her.
"Thank you." it whispered.
buried in the trough of a dune.
Sand covered goggles stare upward;
chunky clouds slowly dance across the skies.
They uncover themselves to form a bodysuit.
She stumbles her way to her feet.
Crawling up to the summit
she stands from the top
surveying a grand expanse of desert and sky.
Flapping in the wind:
she is hollow on the inside
lacking any organs or skeleton,
just an animated suit
with black goggles.
She walked until twilight
without a single artifact to distinguish before and after
in this endless desert.
Her goggles flickered on in the dark:
blue on the left, red on the right.
jupiter and mars?
She stopped walking.
Collecting her few thoughts.
take out 'few'.
It never occured to her to look at herself.
take out 'to her'.
On her right arm she found a bar code
with small text below it reading "blank."
Looking up, there appeared a large rusty old wind turbine standing before her
take out 'there'. take out 'old'. take out 'standing before her'.
not having been there previously.
take out the above line. id like to preserve the word 'previously', but its not worth it.
A bleeched red skeleton in tattered clothing lay propped up against it.
It looked up at her and then down again,
laboring breaths without any lungs.
this part can be reworded.
the rest is fine.
im paying no attention to spelling.
"Hello Orrison," It said, "Nice to see you again."
Orrison remained quietly bemused.
"I must not have remembered what happened here. Where am I at?" she asked.
"The beginning," the skeleton said.
"You could stay and chat a while or I can send you to the fading world of Sepia."
Orrison sat down crosslegged next to the skeleton.
"I'll be going soon. I will sit with you for a while though."
The skeleton looked over at her.
"Thank you." it whispered.