09-30-2021, 03:56 AM
(09-29-2021, 06:19 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: In What We TrustBloody love it.
Good ole Buck was a big bear
of a dog, an all-black shepherd
with a small white tie on his chest.
One early autumn evening
we sat on the side porch
of my brother’s house, looking out
on the clearing between the oaks.
I think he was listening to the last
of the crickets, smelling the dusky
earthiness of fiery first fallen leaves,
as he gazed with pointed ears
toward something I couldn’t quite see.
His gentle orange eyes reflected
the crescent moon with an awareness
for which he had no description. Me?
I saw bare dogwood branches as arms
cradling that moon; saw the Dipper
scooping Jupiter from the sky.
And I thought, “God, if I’m really created
in your image, then what about Buck?
Whose image was he created in?
How is it that a simple dog
can seem so finely attuned to something
that I have half-hearted faith in?”
You may think I’m foolish; or confused,
yet I’m certain of that night
on the porch; thought of it often
since we buried ole Buck by the brambles
in my brother’s back yard
nearly 40 years ago.
I think the edit is tighter, more compact, with more beautiful imagery - the bare branches cradling the moon and the Dipper scooping Jupiter from the sky (as an aside, since all the planets are in the same plane, would that be a possibility though? Wouldn’t the planets also, like the sun, only move through the zodiac? Worth checking)
What I miss, however, from the original is a beautiful (apologies for using that word again) observation that we tend to anthropomorphise everything - the Jesus in pancakes was slightly funny, and gave a nice bit of semi comic relief in an otherwise serious poem.
The whole notion of having a dialogue with god is the supreme irony there!
Just saw the previous crits. Looks like there are differing views on whether the anthropomorphisation portion was good or bad. I mostly miss the Jesus in pancakes, but I think it’s also because I read the revision first and the original afterwards, and felt that a tiny bit of the spiritual impulse in the latter was missing in the much more polished edit

