Beelzebub

[busker]

STARGATE* of IVANHOE

In each card shuffled with scented confustion
you deliver the sacred tree
with new time
appointed by the stars * ** **** * *** * ** ***** *** * *
to cover the hemi - sphere
of the ancient scroll
the seed purchased land
growing up turbines
of plump, round and pregnant disposition
sun- touched and aimless
oh fruits of jupiter
or moses cactii
Anatoth riding out
gleams of Mercurial sea foam cucumber
and de - canted canteloupe
decanted, sideways,
like jacob crying potatoes\
into the jibbed soil
the moon ladder carrying aquarius
and buckets of apples
turned into hard cider

You've got individual lines in there that have some interesting images in them. The only drawback is that they don't make any sense collectively - or in many cases, even individually. If they could be strung together to form sensible English sentences, this might actually be a good poem.

EDIT - more more, specific crit given that this in Intensive and it's only fair (after mod feedback):

1) I couldn't make the connection b/w the biblical Anatoth, Jacob, Moses, Belzebub, and the rest of the poem. If there is some allusion or reference involved that needs better knowledge of the subject matter, then some footnotes would help
2) there are individual lines like 'fruits of jupiter' and 'moses cacti' that seem to refer to the offspring of the Graeco-Roman and Judaic civilisations, but it's one of many themes that are impossible to understand any further
3) 'the moon ladder carrying Aquarius' is a great line....though I'm not sure why Aquarius carries a moon ladder. Couldn't find that in the myth. Happy to be corrected.