2020
#11
(05-06-2020, 11:55 PM)Greywolf Wrote:  Towers like broken fingers
reach into a slate grey sky. (Personally, I would add a comma here instead of a period. It flows better that way. This feels choppy)
A memory of packed cities
of crowds that shuffled by.

The promise of cold silence (In my personal opinion, it would sound better if you said "A promise of silence,") 
of store fronts now laid bare. (Perhaps the word 'and' would work better than "of")
2020 the year of the virus
of emptied streets everywhere. (I think it would sound better, once again, if the word 'and' was used instead of "of")

Tv screens flicker blue
to the box lose your brain. (Personally, I would rewrite that line, that's just me though. The flow sounds a bit off)
The media hypes the fear
of the novel Covid strain. (I like this bit, actually.)
Overall, it's a nice poem. I just think it needs a few touch ups.
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Messages In This Thread
2020 - by Greywolf - 05-06-2020, 11:55 PM
RE: 2020 - by billy - 05-10-2020, 05:56 PM
RE: 2020 - by Greywolf - 05-10-2020, 08:01 PM
RE: 2020 - by LSClanton - 05-10-2020, 09:17 PM
RE: 2020 - by ComposerMike - 05-12-2020, 03:33 PM
RE: 2020 - by Greywolf - 05-13-2020, 03:27 PM
RE: 2020 - by Gerryswo - 08-12-2021, 01:12 PM
RE: 2020 - by ISawASpaceship - 09-21-2021, 10:03 AM



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