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Under the dreaming eyes (Edit 1.0)
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09-21-2021, 12:49 AM
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Hi Busker,
doesn't 'dreaming' make it seem like N's love is thinking about something/someone else? Or is that the point?
maybe 'a' for 'its' (L9)?
(Just thought went/scent worked nicely, but each to their own
 )Not sure about the conjunction that starts L5, could you stand a repeat of 'her' instead?
Best, Knot
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| Messages In This Thread |
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Under the dreaming eyes (Edit 1.0) - by busker - 09-16-2021, 03:36 AM
RE: Under the dreamy eyes - by TranquillityBase - 09-16-2021, 08:00 AM
RE: Under the dreamy eyes - by Tiger the Lion - 09-16-2021, 02:16 PM
RE: Under the dreamy eyes - by Knot - 09-16-2021, 10:26 PM
RE: Under the dreamy eyes - by ISawASpaceship - 09-20-2021, 01:26 PM
RE: Under the dreaming eyes (Edit 1.0) - by busker - 09-20-2021, 11:39 PM
RE: Under the dreaming eyes (Edit 1.0) - by Knot - 09-21-2021, 12:49 AM
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