Running the Trot Line

[Knot]

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Hi TqB,

I like this version (whether it's prose or poetry, no idea) but it feels like there's quite a lot missing, or still to be written, whichever you prefer

Maybe include a detail about launching the boat, I imagine that has a particular/distinctive sound when dragged across the sands?

The 'telegraph' idea still isn't working. I think the comparison with any other fishing line might be better.

Given 'the sound of the hook ...' I don't think you need the editorial 'struggling against the cruel hook' (are they 'hooks' or 'barbs'?)

The last six lines (though better) are ... lacking. 'bless the moment' seems to come out of nowhere, and 'tomorrow ... the day will be mine' begs the question, what will this day be? I'm confused on the timing here, I think. ('chart my dreams' is a better ending (though I'd probably go with 'chart my own course', but maybe something that returns to the idea of the 'trot line' would be better? Are you the fish thrown back or escaping the hook?)

Just a thought

Gasoline and brackish water slosh

in our battered aluminum boat ................ you could even start with this line

lodged on the sands. At night, the lake

is a sound, not a visible as in the day

but with darkness it all disappears

beneath the outboard motor's ____

I search the banks with my flashlight

describe the rocky shores, the sudden voids

of slough with a shaking hand

until my father cuts the engine

and we drift towards our trot line

and the lake returns.

...

Best, Knot

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