09-16-2021, 06:12 AM
Hi TqB - I think this would be a good prose poem. A prose poem has a reverie like quality about it with lots of sensory images, which this one has, but its natural pauses are at the ends of full sentences.
The line breaks are more of a distraction here IMO. I read it end to end ignoring the line breaks and it went better.
Example of where the jamb doesn’t work but the Lines in themselves are fine:
I hold a light on the bank for navigation
and we move along the rocky shores
cross open sloughs until we come
to the one our line is stretched across.
The line breaks are more of a distraction here IMO. I read it end to end ignoring the line breaks and it went better.
Example of where the jamb doesn’t work but the Lines in themselves are fine:
I hold a light on the bank for navigation
and we move along the rocky shores
cross open sloughs until we come
to the one our line is stretched across.