Unreal Birthday

[Todd]

Just commenting on the recent version. I have one straightforward comment for you to consider.

[quote="TranquillityBase" pid='254435' dateline='1630410299']
Sixteen months without a son
has taught me two things.
Death is no accident and 
thought provides no resurrection.
I need to hear others talk of him--For me, this would be the best place to begin your poem. The first four lines feel like the scaffolding that brought you here. I think the poem would be considerably stronger cutting the first four lines and starting with this line.
for him to live again.
His friends proved it 
never mentioning him
in four hours of chatter 
that fell into my heart 
pitiless as stones
thrown into an empty pond.
He is history to them 
and my bitterness
sends me finally to tears.

Unreal birthday, death’s hide-and-seek
and never-find is the only celebration
permitted me.

Absence tracks me to my lair of words.
I look into the dark, see your ghost 
walking across the casement windows
out and back into night.

Felicidades, mijo.


This is a poignant, well thought out poem. I hope the comment helps. If it doesn't please disregard.

Best,

Todd