09-03-2021, 12:13 AM
Firstly, i would like to say that this was well written. I have but one suggestion. To me, this ended too quickly. You said:
Tell me about the roof and I will see your impatience,
your energy and your attempts,
ANOTHER LINE COULD HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE like
"Next time you want to swallow me in your words and senseless pleadings think about your own mind's misleading's.
Build a house you tell me, but cant show what you have done,
don't tell me to build a house till you have a proper one
I can see the story
Show me that you're real,
that the house won't be just a dream.
Tell me about the roof and I will see your impatience,
your energy and your attempts,
ANOTHER LINE COULD HAVE BEEN PLACED HERE like
"Next time you want to swallow me in your words and senseless pleadings think about your own mind's misleading's.
Build a house you tell me, but cant show what you have done,
don't tell me to build a house till you have a proper one
I can see the story
Show me that you're real,
that the house won't be just a dream.