The Artists' Sentence

[Tiger the Lion]

It's been so long since I've written or critiqued anything, but I read this and wanted to comment on one possible cut.

First off it holds together well, and I prefer A Beautiful to a beauty. I'm not concerned about the grammar. I'm more concerned about reaching out for the ephemeral.

The Artists' Sentence (Overdue Edit)

I am convicted
of knowing a Beautiful      
that pencils cannot sketch,

pigment cannot paint
and words embarrass themselves
pretending to know;--I don't feel you really need this line. I think you can move directly to a secret chord without the transition. If you want to keep the three line groups (and I'm sure you do). I'd consider cutting on words (letting the line break provide a pause as if to show their inadequacy and make the third line "embarrass themselves")

a secret chord
my clumsy fingers
cannot strum--

a flirtatious muse
who would never give it up
to any of us.

That's all I have. I'm rusty so it may just be purely subjective.

Best,

Todd

The Artists' Sentence

I am convicted
of discerning a beauty
pencils cannot sketch
pigment cannot paint
and words embarrass themselves
pretending to know 

a flirtatious muse
who would never give it up
to any of us

Thanks Todd. Good to see you. I'm not married to the Secret Chord strophe as much as I wanted to include the musical arts. I've juggled these lines a million ways and feel like it might eventually come together. I am however, a little married to the idea of a muse that can't quite be encapsulated. I still feel like that's the driver here, even if it means a crumpling of paper and palm to the forehead. Thanks for the deconstruction of the "words" idea. -- a pause may say more than text.