08-20-2021, 04:54 AM
Last week when I looked
inside our fridge “in” our fridge instead of “inside”?
I saw that pint container
holding your blueberries.
I don't ever eat them “never” eat them instead of “don’t ever”?
so there was still a handful left.
I should’ve thrown ‘em out
but I just couldn’t.
Yesterday our son came by
and cleaned up the fridge.
Then he kindly filled it
with food he knows I'll eat.
I open and close it,
and open it again,
but I just don’t see
the only thing I want.
Excellent poem.
I really didn’t have any grammatical or structural errors to comment on. Just two issues on your word choices, as noted. I though they didn’t quite sound right. Could be a preference thing.
Your poem reminded me a little of William Carlos Williams’ “Red Barrel”, both in the simplicity of the language and narrative.
What I understand in that narrative is that the man is looking in the refrigerator of his recently deceased wife. He maybe remembers her eating those blueberries, and knows she died before she was able to finish them, and is left feeling empty? when his son throws them out.
Wonderfully understated narrative full deep meaning just below the surface.
Again, excellent poem.
inside our fridge “in” our fridge instead of “inside”?
I saw that pint container
holding your blueberries.
I don't ever eat them “never” eat them instead of “don’t ever”?
so there was still a handful left.
I should’ve thrown ‘em out
but I just couldn’t.
Yesterday our son came by
and cleaned up the fridge.
Then he kindly filled it
with food he knows I'll eat.
I open and close it,
and open it again,
but I just don’t see
the only thing I want.
Excellent poem.
I really didn’t have any grammatical or structural errors to comment on. Just two issues on your word choices, as noted. I though they didn’t quite sound right. Could be a preference thing.
Your poem reminded me a little of William Carlos Williams’ “Red Barrel”, both in the simplicity of the language and narrative.
What I understand in that narrative is that the man is looking in the refrigerator of his recently deceased wife. He maybe remembers her eating those blueberries, and knows she died before she was able to finish them, and is left feeling empty? when his son throws them out.
Wonderfully understated narrative full deep meaning just below the surface.
Again, excellent poem.