The Hanging

[Gerryswo]

I'm not too sure why the scarf color was misleading.

Not the colour, but the scarf itself. If he hangs himself, rather than jumps and drowns, that might be made clearer. Does the scarf tear, is that why he ends up in the water? Also, does a body remain in a 'Vitruvian Man' shape in the water, or does friction act on the limbs pushing/drawing them into the body? (I don't know, just asking).

Best, Knot

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Thank you for the clarification

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Hello Gerry. There's a lot to like here. For the most part I agree with the comments and observations above. You could probably cut your word count by about 1/3 without really losing anything. Having said that, more than anything I would suggest not rushing to post an edit. There's a lot to digest here and too many of us rush to edit and too often lose the spirit of the thing. I say that because it's a pretty damn good poem for a first posting. Lots that could be cut, but always measure twice first

I'll be back to give more of a line by line. Need a few more reads.
Paul

Hi,

This is my first posting. I'm not sure I'm posting in the right place. I'm hoping someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

THE HANGING

Arms and legs spread wide
the body floated down the smooth river
like the Vitruvian man,
gracefully undulating in the gentle waves.
Caught in the swirl of a persistent eddy
it turned as if on a Lazy Susan
and found itself being pushed down a tributary, feet first,
like a breeched birth.
A silk scarf,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck,
brilliant orange
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
snagged on a length of detritus jutting out from the shore;
a dead tree branch.
The arms and legs of the body collapsed together
like a closed jackknife
as it tried unsuccessfully to obey the will of the moving river
and continue downstream,
but found itself instead swaying in the water as if it had been hanged.
 
Not long before,
a man had stood,
wavering,
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
Listening for a moment to the lure of a dark river
temporarily swallowed in shadow,
he’d finally leapt out over the black ribbon of water.
The note that he’d thought would remain behind,
instead followed him down,
drifting like a leaf,
landing softly in the water.
It followed him like a little white raft
before gradually slipping beneath the water like an eye closing.

Thank you for your input. I plan on digesting all the comments before submitting an edit. On that score, where do I submit the edit when it's time. Overwrite the original or post as if it were a brand new poem.