The Hanging

[Gerryswo]

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Hi Gerryswo,
as other have already said, too many likes, (and repetitions of ideas, for instance a breech birth is, by definition, feet first, so why use the phrase 'feet first'? S1, L7-8)). And if you wanted intensive critique, why not simply post in Intensive?. Anyway ...

some cut and paste thoughts.

like the Vitruvian man, the body
floated down the smooth river ............................ surely there's something better than 'smooth'?
gracefully undulating, Caught in the swirl .......... 'gracefully undulating isn't saying much of interest.
of a persistent eddy, it turned
and found itself being pushed down
a tributary, like a breeched birth.

A silk scarf, brilliant orange ..............................and this is relevant, why? (Misleads, doesn't it?)
against the sky reflected blue of the river,
wrapped twice around its puffy white neck, ................what was the point of the 'detritus line' if all it was was a 'dead branch'? (And 'puffy' in the circumstances, is quite weak)
snagged on a dead tree branch.
and found itself swaying in the water
as if hanged

............. it all rather loses its way at the end, the note, the closing eye, none of it feels like it concludes/resolves any of the earlier thoughts/images. I wonder if you might leave it a bit more open ended and in these lines
atop the flat rusted guard rail of a railroad bridge.
He’d held tight to an angled green support rod for temporary balance.
rather than the clunky 'temporary balance' return to the Virtuvian man image - have him adopt that pose on the guard rail, something like

Not long before a man had stood
on the deserted bridge's guard rail
Arms and legs spread wide
letting go of the support rod .............. are they rods? Genuine question
Listening to the lure of a dark river


(of course, the title really misleads).



Best, Knot


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Thank you for your input.
I didn't know where was the best place to submit a poem for the best critique. This was my first post.
You made some very good comments, especially about "detritus" and 'breeched birth". 
I'm not too sure why the scarf color was misleading.
I agree, the ending needs some improvement