A Mild Success in a Dull Business

[TranquillityBase]

Hey Tim-

The entire piece is predicated on the pay-off stanza at the end:
My audience applauded
for the the first
and last time.

Since it takes 4 stanzas to get there, that pay-off is diluted: sort of like a joke that's too long in the telling before hitting the punchline.  Less lead-up, of course, means paring this one down so that the pay-off pops.

I'd also note that this reads like prose with line breaks, and it needs more of your talent for colorful language.

-- Mark

Thanks Mark.  Your last sentence echoes what I suspected about this one; it does sound like prose.  Helps to have it confirmed.  Not really sure it is even worth revising.  Revisiting those days gives me the heebie jeebies    Or maybe the poem should really be about the quote itself (the title).  That's what keeps haunting me.

Tim