Vanitas - edit3

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Vanitas


Nine Airflow-era cars lie all aligned                  does air-flow need captialization?
long vee-eight noses aimed toward a road.       V-8 ?
they may not ride.  Fender to fender                 cannot ?
running-board to running-board they rest
round, round in ways that seem
no longer streamlined yet they are, they are.        
Brown, brown and brown so uniform and smooth    I don't think this repetition works    
how could it just be rust, no elements
would be so kind.  They show no glint of chrome
but as traffic passes all their glass                  the ?
remaining – splinters, panels, triangles -          
sun-flashes brighter than cut diamonds
broken, yes, but not bereft of pride.

Down their facing road a sapphire Beamer
gleaming liquid luxury runs by                    glides
dismissively, far too superior
to bother with round brown old wrecks.       acknowledge?  / don't think you need to repeat "round" and "brown".....would "aerodynamic" be too much?
But of its cool quartz headlights only one
is lit.

Running out of gas working on this one; thinking of "bling" instead of "pride" but seems out of place or time.

Duke,

Interesting read.  Some things I'd change noted.   

As to bling vs pride, I'd go with pride.  Bling definitely doesn't belong.  What about "delight"?

TqB