07-30-2021, 09:21 AM
(07-28-2021, 06:23 AM)busker Wrote: I like this, but am not sure about 'far, sententious'"[F]ar" is, indeed, weak. I need just one syllable there unless the line is changed around. Waiting for inspiration (or further critiques). I like "sententious" because
The toys could be made to mean indoctrinated people at a second level, but (plastic injection) moulding or some form of shaping might be a better fit for such a purpose than the adjectives used.
or even if the CCP were sententious, 'far' is a weak adjective, and I'm even then not sure whether a distant factory moralising to its dolls (as opposed to transforming them into moulded puppets, say) has that much of an impact.
But I like the rest of the pome.
Or maybe 'sententious' is still fit for purpose, but 'far' is weak
Non-practicing atheist

