A Game of Gogol's Bluff, revision no. 4

[TranquillityBase]

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Hi TqB,
it still gets off to a sluggish start, perhaps


the damned exhale
dry lightning At sunset
in Broken Soul
and out of the electrical discharge
comes Leroy McDoom,                              I like this opening

a byword for gunpowder and grins
who back in 82 took to running
the whole kit and caboodle under his direction
because God, in all his bloody majesty?            not really interested in Western dialect
condemned it, that Satan
had a place for his spawn. .......... do you need God/Satan here? They play no real part in the rest of the piece.  Excellent question: I'll ponder that a bit

Lanterns Flickering from a gallows
of rock crystal and lead                   I like "rock crystal"
where feral children play
jump-the-noose over a trapdoor to Hell.

.......... seems like you rush to get to the saloon.   As I once said, I'm an old man in a hurry     time's a'wastin', got to git her done


Like 'Serpentina' but that name rather puts McDoom/DeSade in the shade.   I ain't givin' up McDoom or deSade.  But I'm not married to Serpentina
And why isn't 'Megaloblatta' something like Meager Al O'Blatta?    I like the monster sound of Megaloblatta
Passels of herps for 'toads', perhaps?    Something like that, I agree toads by themselves is not enough
Shame the school disappeared.      What I miss more is the church scene


Given you've 'game' in the title (unnecessarily, in my opinion ) you take rather a long time to actually get to the game.

Gogol's Bluff by itself reminds me too much of a Clint Eastwood film title (Coogan's Bluff), although there are probably dozens of similar titles in the Western genre.....I'll research that....

Perhaps the Game can be brought up in stanza 1 when McDoom is introduced....as the engine of his domination

Thanks Knot.  I'm taking the next stage back to Broken Soul.