07-25-2021, 09:53 PM
.
Hi TqB,
it still gets off to a sluggish start, perhaps
the damned exhale
dry lightning At sunset
in Broken Soul
and out of the electrical discharge
comes Leroy McDoom,
a byword for gunpowder and grins
who back in 82 took to running
the whole kit and caboodle under his direction
because God, in all his bloody majesty?
condemned it, that Satan
had a place for his spawn. .......... do you need God/Satan here? They play no real part in the rest of the piece.
Lanterns Flickering from a gallows
of rock crystal and lead
where feral children play
jump-the-noose over a trapdoor to Hell.
.......... seems like you rush to get to the saloon.
Like 'Serpentina' but that name rather puts McDoom/DeSade in the shade.
And why isn't 'Megaloblatta' something like Meager Al O'Blatta?
Passels of herps for 'toads', perhaps?
Shame the school disappeared.
Given you've 'game' in the title (unnecessarily, in my opinion
) you take rather a long time to actually get to the game.
Best, Knot
.
Hi TqB,
it still gets off to a sluggish start, perhaps
the damned exhale
dry lightning At sunset
in Broken Soul
and out of the electrical discharge
comes Leroy McDoom,
a byword for gunpowder and grins
who back in 82 took to running
the whole kit and caboodle under his direction
because God, in all his bloody majesty?
condemned it, that Satan
had a place for his spawn. .......... do you need God/Satan here? They play no real part in the rest of the piece.
Lanterns Flickering from a gallows
of rock crystal and lead
where feral children play
jump-the-noose over a trapdoor to Hell.
.......... seems like you rush to get to the saloon.
Like 'Serpentina' but that name rather puts McDoom/DeSade in the shade.
And why isn't 'Megaloblatta' something like Meager Al O'Blatta?
Passels of herps for 'toads', perhaps?
Shame the school disappeared.
Given you've 'game' in the title (unnecessarily, in my opinion
) you take rather a long time to actually get to the game.Best, Knot
.