18

[TranquillityBase]

Years before you tried to die,
we walked amongst the gifts of August:
rolling green, rolling golden
summer heat impressed 
upon dwindling twilight.

Dusted in fireflies,
a traveling dark
bound tree line and sky.
Suburbs softened on the hills, whispered,
then silenced.

We spent our nights on the golf-course,
blue asphalt weaving through Bermuda grass,
the cart path sliding in and out of shadow.

We never talked about how we’d grow
to miss those coyote-nights,
lounging in amber moonlight,
or about the pain growing, somewhere, far off and center          this part seems vague in comparison to the other lines, and I don't quite get the meaning
but we talked until

sprinklers squelched the air—
dozens, dotting the green,
each ticking In break-neck rhythm. 
The change was bigger than we knew. 

Water swung itself in circles.
Trees lifted from their roots.
Currents raked the rough,
foaming around the banks of sandtraps.

The fairway became a sink
With a par 4 drain, marked by a flag.                     I didn't have a problem with the golf references until I got to this line, no idea what a par 4 means


Dawn broke long ago.
Songbirds picked apart silence.
Dew formed, and rose,
and formed, and rose.                                    repetition here doesn't seem needed
And the things that didn’t change sunk in the pit of the valley, 
in the cup of the 18th hole.             I understand the 18th is the last hole, but this seems to trivialize what comes before (that is, the whole poem, not just that stanza

Very much enjoyed reading this one.  I felt like I was with you all the way, except for the bits noted above. I agree with Knot that it deserves a better title.

TqB