The Plant of Joy

[Brian Roberts]

.

Hi Brian.

but there is a "milking" process when injecting heroin or any opiate.

Happy to defer to your superior knowledge on this (but 'teats'?. And is it accurate to say 'my soul subsists on' them, rather than what flows through them? Might be worth revisiting that line so that it describe the consequences of the previous two, not the delivery mechanism (which is largely a repeat of 'suckle', if I've understood correctly, and so doesn't add much)

That said,

I suckle on paralysis,

imbibing of the poppy's phlegm

through steel teats. My soul adrift.

I could change "corrals" to "commove" or "disturb" to keep with the iambic tetrameter, but I need a better word than those 2.

There's quite a distinction between 'corrals' and 'commove'/''disturb' (the former is practically the opposite of the latter(s)). Perhaps a 'clearer' rather than a 'better' (whatever that is) word? Ejects, maybe? Though I like disturb, the way it threads with dark and decamp and (almost) deepest. And there's always unseats.

And, with regards to meter, I'm no expert, but your line six seems to be dimeter (trimeter at a stretch), not tetrameter

i SUCKle on paRALysis

Gotta agree with TqB about 'tarp' - looking more and more like a word from a different poem. Perhaps you'd consider 'pall' instead? (After all, it's where the missing part of 'tarp' comes from).

plants, suckling, eggs and tarp. Might there be one too many?

Best, Knot

.

Thanks Knot, you've been incredibly helpful. I look forward to reading some of your work. I read "Pandora's Jar" and was quite impressed with its examination of free will, the juxtaposition of animate vs. inanimate, the locus of blame, etc. I may have misread it entirely, though.....if I did, forgive. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed it. Thanks again.

Brian