The Plant of Joy

[Brian Roberts]

Brian,

I really enjoyed this one.  I'm still sorting it out, but I just wanted to give it a big thumbs up.

A couple of first impression notes:  "poppy's phlegm" is too disgusting for me.  You use the word "tarp" maybe too frequently (historically speaking).

TqB

tqb,
Thanks for the reply. I always enjoy your input. I can imagine "phlegm" inspires a revulsion, as it is a disgusting reference....and I am married to the word "tarp." I appreciate all your encouragement tqb.

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Hi Brian,

just to say I'd not have made the leap from 'teat' to 'syringe' - so thanks for the explanation. Quite a significant distinction between 'to draw from' and 'to force into', isn't it? (Suckle and poppy are, to me, more suggestive of an opium pipe, not a syringe).

However it got me wondering about the order of the piece.

Just a suggestion

I suckle on paralysis,

and tithing to the poppy's phlegm,

On teats of steel my soul subsists.

The hatching sun, its yoke half-bared, I like this, thanks

corrals [whose?] minions from their roost, I could change "corrals" to "commove" or "disturb" to keep with the iambic tetrameter, but I need a better word than those 2.

That tarp of dark hung grand to spare

the flooded eye from light's dour truth.

Decamp, and rouse a pliant stem-

I would not fling this solar cyst

into Inferno's deepest pit

Best, Knot

ps. Why would things that are roosted need corralling?

.

Thanks, Knot....the first 2 lines need revising, to be sure. Not to get graphic, but there is a "milking" process when injecting heroin or any opiate. Like Neil Young said, "Milk blood to keep from running out." Also, the drug must be "milked" from the cotton in the spoon.....