The Plant of Joy

[Brian Roberts]

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Hi Brian,
I think this gets a little lost under its own imagery and the demands of rhyme (or possibly it's just me)

The sun is hatched, its yoke half-bared, .......... like the pun, but 'half-bared'? (and do yokes corral?) 
corralling minions from their roost,
That tarp of dark hung grand to spare
the flooded eye from light's dour truth. ........... where's the rest of this sentence? That tarp of dark ... what?
Decamp, and rouse a pliant stem- ...................Is 'decamp' an injunction, and if so, to whom (or should it be 'decamps' - the action of 'that tarp'?) Yes, Decamp is an injunction, addressed to the sun. I need to make it more clear.

(leave a space, this reads like a separate verse)
I suckle on paralysis,
and tithing to the poppy's phlegm, ................ don't understand 'and'.
On teats of steel my soul subsists. ................. why 'steel' (apart from the alliteration) and not, say, 'iron' I'm referring to the surgical steel of a hypodermic needle, thus "iron" wouldn't work.
I would not fling this solar cyst
into Inferno's deepest pit


The final line seems to come out of nowhere, nevertheless, a suggestion
on teats of steel my soul subsists
and I'd not fling this solar cyst
into Inferno's pit.


Best, Knot


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Knot,
I appreciate the review, your taking time to read and critique my poem. It was well-rendered and thoughtful, and gave me much to consider moving forward with edits.