A Game of Gogol's Bluff, revision no. 4

[TranquillityBase]

 What's the rush?

Knot,

Good question.  I was worried about the poem being too long.  I wanted to tell a more detailed story.

So, I will try the longer lines and I will put in more of what I wanted to but left out because I foolishly let that worry govern my revision.  And I can hopefully address your concerns at the same time.

Thanks for your keen critique.

TqB

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I enjoyed the rewrite...I do wish you could have salvaged some of the lines and images of the first draft, however. You haven't foregone the surrealism, but bridled it in a sense.
Now its structure is decastich, I believe, save for the ending couplet. The cowboy has become the central character, the lines before his appearance a sort of portend. I can appreciate the new format, but, for me, a bit too much has been shed(for clarity, and effective). I will read again and give you a better critique......sorry this one was shabby.

Thanks Brian.  Your comment about the surrealism is especially helpful as that was one of my goals.  And you are right, too much was lost.  And will be reinstated