07-07-2021, 06:38 AM
alexorande,
This last version is much better, more clear. I like the addition of "runoff" S1L5, it makes sense now. Much tighter from the version I read.
The "But" at the end of S2 seems contrived (plus it's not really needed). Better to start S3 with "Today".
Could do without all the comas in S3.
Not sure what your reasoning is to break the sentence in S3L1-2, doesn't make much sense to me.
best,
dale
This last version is much better, more clear. I like the addition of "runoff" S1L5, it makes sense now. Much tighter from the version I read.
The "But" at the end of S2 seems contrived (plus it's not really needed). Better to start S3 with "Today".
Could do without all the comas in S3.
Not sure what your reasoning is to break the sentence in S3L1-2, doesn't make much sense to me.
best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.