The Ikea Girl & Her Book of Dreams

[Poetry In Motion]

From an orbiting piece of sphere-shaped grass.*** (incomplete sentence)     I was immediately taken in by this first image
There are children playing along the rotation
of the sun, where others are flying kites.***  don't need the period  
And seeing the rest of the stars in the night sky

From an orbiting piece of spherical terrace.
One sits there thinking of the Book of Dreams.       She ?
What that is is a book that can transport others
to distant, twisted, places in the world.                  drop the second comma

The girl thinks to herself of a plane across time.
Wherever it is, it is someplace, thinking of dreams.
Her wavy brown hair smells like reeds
and is inviting other kids on the spherical grass.         and invites ?

And as she reclines on her back over the night.***
She hears the scoffing of other people outside.
The voices so high in her ear she became enamored.     becomes
And so, the orbiting piece of spherical grass

bends and whirls, conjuring a knot of funny words.***   drop the period
coming out of her mouth, oh—know the Book of Dreams.      unclear how the Book of Dreams fits into this line
She sits there still remembering the Book of Dreams.           I don't think this line adds anything to what you've already said.

Hello again PIM,

This is a promising draft.  There are some problems with your punctuation; *** indicates where you've place periods at the end of incomplete sentences, or where it should just be a comma, or nothing.

I mostly am suggesting cuts as you can see.

So those are the problems (in my opinion).  

Problems aside, it's a very engaging poem.  I love the imagery all the way down the line and the narrative is equally attractive.  I really like the title too.

Thanks for posting and keep at it!

Thanks, I thought the poem needed more work than it should, I still feel like the punctuation was fine but I didn't realise the incomplete sentence in the beginning of the poem.