07-03-2021, 08:35 AM
If we all leave for boba tea as the adults
sing on the karaoke, we could hear their echoes
give in to a choir of croaking frogs while
a petrichor accompanies us on our walk
and runoff murmurs absently beneath the streets nice addition
about a past life that kept us waiting indoors.
We would be carried by our laughter---sometimes
interrupted by the dance of warmly streetlit ghosts
of gnats---to a plaza where convenient stores, a fine image but I'd lose warmly; convenience store? or is that a colloquialism?, also called corner stores here
a fast-food restaurant, Filipino market, and boba cafe not crazy about this list, but love next line
yield fluorescence to our reflections
passing in softly rippling puddles. But,
today, those stores are overgrown with sticker weeds
and thistle. They loom as one vacant edifice that
brimmed steady streams of silence into our estrangement; a bit too much there; "that streams a steady silence..."?
yet, that moment, crystallized in rain and laughter,
remains in that familiar darkness between two worlds,
where there is always space for us.
Well, I really still prefer v.3 for its rhythm, but you've added a lot of good stuff here, so....
sing on the karaoke, we could hear their echoes
give in to a choir of croaking frogs while
a petrichor accompanies us on our walk
and runoff murmurs absently beneath the streets nice addition
about a past life that kept us waiting indoors.
We would be carried by our laughter---sometimes
interrupted by the dance of warmly streetlit ghosts
of gnats---to a plaza where convenient stores, a fine image but I'd lose warmly; convenience store? or is that a colloquialism?, also called corner stores here
a fast-food restaurant, Filipino market, and boba cafe not crazy about this list, but love next line
yield fluorescence to our reflections
passing in softly rippling puddles. But,
today, those stores are overgrown with sticker weeds
and thistle. They loom as one vacant edifice that
brimmed steady streams of silence into our estrangement; a bit too much there; "that streams a steady silence..."?
yet, that moment, crystallized in rain and laughter,
remains in that familiar darkness between two worlds,
where there is always space for us.
Well, I really still prefer v.3 for its rhythm, but you've added a lot of good stuff here, so....