Mr. Tambourine Man

[CRNDLSM]

My first thought was a bob Dylan reference, but maybe you're referencing who he referenced who I'm not familiar with..  but the mood would probably fit both and many more.  In the case it's a bob Dylan poem I like how the middle block of words has all the rhymes, but I would want the first and third blocks to have the same rhyme scheme, and if its a Dylan reference I could see this going on for 10 more blocks of rhymes.  By blocks I mean strophe/stanzas.

Mr. Tambourine Man

He sings his old songs 
with his raspy new voice
as though he had a choice.
Just the delusion of freedom 
without commitment.
He's not sitting on his bum
though the Sun's no longer blistering. I feel like this is a specific reference I'm not picking up.  I just hear jingle jangle mornings.

He sings his old songs
by secret triplet count
his emotion all run out,
what was it all about?
It's just like coming out,
there's no need to shout
when everyone is listening. Even though I like the excessive rhyming I think the order here diminishes the meaning of it.  Maybe longer lines would help stretch the rhymes out and give each rhyme more impact

He sings his old songs
though they all are now sold
just like them now he's old
he has nowhere to belong;
maybe reads his catalog
a copy once in analogue: these two lines together (catalog/analogue) aren't coherent to me, maybe I don't know what a 'copy' is.
his empire is listing, I really like this line.
but no less glistening.

 
copyright 2021 erthona

Thanks for sharing