Pick n Mix

[Knot]

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Hi newbie

(it's custom to leave the original and add revisions above, gives people a chance to compare).

Not sure the additions have really ... added much. (Who or how is the knotweed sown, for instance?)

back when growing up seemed plausible

when we all had  dreams and plans

and comics, the thought of death

was a fleeting thing, a snatch of song

(a dozen notes) from a passing car's radio.

it was always someone's granny

a second cousin, twice removed,

or a classmate's sister's dog

who died anyway, nobody

I ever knew

and yet, I'd find these questions .............. admittedly the 'where I'd find' probably should be explained

like where do pets go when they die?

they can't get to heaven apparently

but don't tell the younger kids that ............ not sure who you're addressing here. I think you could cut this.

this simple truth keeps me awake ........... is it a 'truth'?

growing thoughts make pillars shake ..... I don't think you need this line, keep it simple (and avoid the rhyme )

what if it's all bullshit and there's no superman

no heaven, hell or anything

but an endless soulless good night.

but don't tell the adult kids that ........ same reservations as with 'younger kids', it doesn't strike me as a strong ending.

Best, Knot

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