Noon of Life
#2
(06-02-2021, 11:55 AM)rowens Wrote:  I am my own Authority, and I denounce Authority.
I'm scared, insecure, intimidated, longing, insulting,
I'm harsh and caustic, egotistical, narcissistic,
              lecherous, savage, strange,
I'm vicious, uncouth, unkempt, solitary,
I'm not envious but satirical, I'm not jealous
             but lustful,
I'm alone and I'm alive and I'm proud.
             GLADNESS
It's all going along great until "I'm alone..." 
for me "alone" connotates too heavily as victim and sadly ends an otherwise strong poem the way a woe -is -me slam poem might end. 
Just my take. Alone feels generic and meme-ish. I would prefer you were terrified or hysterical. I know I am.  Hysterical
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Messages In This Thread
Noon of Life - by rowens - 06-02-2021, 11:55 AM
RE: Noon of Life - by Tiger the Lion - 06-02-2021, 03:16 PM
RE: Noon of Life - by Mark A Becker - 06-02-2021, 08:16 PM
RE: Noon of Life - by TranquillityBase - 06-02-2021, 09:29 PM
RE: Noon of Life - by Mark A Becker - 06-02-2021, 10:15 PM
RE: Noon of Life - by rowens - 06-02-2021, 10:35 PM
RE: Noon of Life - by Mark A Becker - 06-03-2021, 06:28 AM
RE: Noon of Life - by rowens - 06-03-2021, 08:13 AM



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