05-30-2021, 01:05 PM
I previously posted this in basic but I would like to post my latest edit in mild to elicit a more detailed response. I might add I have no real understanding of composing poetry but please don’t feel you are wasting your time analysing. I greatly appreciate any feedback which hopefully can be used in future. Many thanks in advance. (Apologies also if posting in two different sections is frowned upon. I will delete where applicable.)
Newbie
The dog knows.
Held prisoner by the despondent eyes of
our rescue
I escape to my garden
with joyous contraband of cigars and booze
Released in daydream
of garden pubs, disembargoed beers,
freely gathered friends all;
with a reignited liberty-
I exhale upon the weeds:
nature’s non conformers
that thrive; exalted in
our absence
From my garden, I wilt indoors;
an acquiescent hostage keep
where doubts smoulder and
our happiness
must lie
We're in a lockdown.
The dog knows.
Newbie
The dog knows.
Held prisoner by the despondent eyes of
our rescue
I escape to my garden
with joyous contraband of cigars and booze
Released in daydream
of garden pubs, disembargoed beers,
freely gathered friends all;
with a reignited liberty-
I exhale upon the weeds:
nature’s non conformers
that thrive; exalted in
our absence
From my garden, I wilt indoors;
an acquiescent hostage keep
where doubts smoulder and
our happiness
must lie
We're in a lockdown.
The dog knows.