Rat King (edit)

[newmystic]

I'm only familiar of the concept of the "rat king" from an episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon bemoans the loser nature of her ex-boyfriend who is back in her life. So it is a humorous image for me rather than sinister or deep. But the way you write about it is creepy. Well done on the creep aspect of it. As for the message you are intending to get across, it is a little unclear. Are you warning people about becoming isolated little drones at their laptops or television? If so, maybe you can flesh it out to imply that even stronger.

Matthew

Until you see us
life makes no sense,
our circle of dread and ill-omen
tails intertwined into a clock 
its hands thirteen desiccated bodies
mummified bites of rage and empty eyes
looking outward into the dark.
This accident of our kingdom
haunts the wise and hunts down
the peasant inside his internet.
We are the collective of your future,
dead or alive, we conceal and reveal
the hoax of your existence.

Life makes no sense

until you see the rat king,

our circle of dread and ill-omen

tails intertwined into a clock 

that calculates your death,

thirteen dedicated bits of rage

looking outward into the dark.

This accident of our kingdom

haunts the wise and hunts down

the peasant inside his internet.

We are the collective of your future,

dead or alive, we conceal or reveal

the hoax of your existence.







Life makes no sense



until you see the rat king,



a circle of dread and ill-omen



our tails intertwined into a clock of death,



thirteen dedicated bits of rage



looking outward into the dark.



The accident of our kingdom



haunts the wise and hunts down



the peasant inside his television.



We are the collective of your future,



dead or alive, we conceal



the hoax of your existence.