Rat King (edit)

[Knot]

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Hi TqB,
I think you might have a bit more success if you cut the 'rat king' out of the piece, and concentrated on the speaker, as in

until you see us

Life makes no sense ............................. alternatively once you see us / life makes sense ? (Or an even more imperious In our presence / ...

our tails intertwined

into a clock that calculates ................... do clocks 'calculate'? (into a mortal clock?)

your death,

thirteen dedicated bits of rage............. 'bits' is a bit (ahem) poor

looking outward into the dark.

This accident of our kingdom ............would a 'king' admit to an 'accident'?

haunts the wise and hunts

down the peasant inside

his internet. ........................................ might just be me, but I think the tone/voice changes at this line

We are the collective of your future,

dead or alive, we conceal or reveal.... any way to avoid the repeat of 'or'?

the hoax of your existence.



Best, Knot

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