05-13-2021, 02:28 AM
Hi TqB,
I'd heard of the rat king, and I like that sort of thing, so I'm pleased to see a poem about it.
Just a few suggestions:
L2: the rat king --> our circle of dread [merging lines 2 and 3]
L5: bits of rage --> rodents of rage
L7: The accident --> This accident
L9: Sorry; I don't quite understand this line.
I find the final three lines a bit tricky and I think that might be due to the punctuation. Also, 'we conceal' seems to contradict the seeing at the beginning of the poem.
I'm a bit tired at the moment, which might account for not understanding everything about the poem. But I enjoyed it very muchÂ
I'd heard of the rat king, and I like that sort of thing, so I'm pleased to see a poem about it.
Just a few suggestions:
L2: the rat king --> our circle of dread [merging lines 2 and 3]
L5: bits of rage --> rodents of rage
L7: The accident --> This accident
L9: Sorry; I don't quite understand this line.
I find the final three lines a bit tricky and I think that might be due to the punctuation. Also, 'we conceal' seems to contradict the seeing at the beginning of the poem.
I'm a bit tired at the moment, which might account for not understanding everything about the poem. But I enjoyed it very muchÂ
All best,
Leaf
Leaf