05-12-2021, 01:21 AM
New Mystic, just a few suggestions and reactions. It's a very interesting poem and I really like the ending. As to the theme you mentioned, you picked a tough one. I'm not seeing a lot of sexuality in the images, but I'm kind of a literal minded reader, so that's probably not your fault.
I awake to a mystery,
walking along a majestic sea of crystal glass
a dolphin leaping out of the blue
a white glove
beckons me, make this one line
turns me into a speckled wide-eyed wanderer
a grand spiral staircase coming forth
Heaven-sent
the hand points and turns as if a clock
“Ascend,” it says.
I yield and obey.
It is nudging me,
irritating me.
Where am I going?
The steps bleed together
My legs grow tired.
I don’t want to climb anymore.
I peer to my side.
What if I jumped?
I am nearly faint of heart,
gasping. one line i think, no need to isolate gasping
one final step and I'm out of breath.
- A doorway
I collapse against the wood
breathing
instinctively, my hand wanders the keyhole
- A peek inside reveals an entire universe.
I look to my friend, but there is no response. I was a little puzzled where this friend came from since it's the first mention of another person
my heart is beating in my chest wildly
observing, I wonder?
I place my wet, sweaty fingers into the hole,
fingering for a moment.
yes. there it is. a latch.
I grab the trigger.
My moist, hot hand now dripping
and with a click, a release,
the door is ajar now, revealing glowing light
Entering, the glove is removed
Revealed as a dove
She flies away, leaving a swirl of colors behind her
She says, "I am spirit and I am breath of your flesh.
I give you permission to dwell in both universes now.”
I fall down as I see colors I've never seen before
A masterpiece of pink opening up like a woman's bosom
My own chest collapses
I am aching with love
tears flowing
Swirls of purple effervescence all about
Spiraling, dancing around me
I have become Snow White,
graced by the song of blue birds
perching on my shoulder,
a brown-grey rabbit at my feet,
a rooster cock-a-doodling. I'm ambivalent about the Snow White section. It's a startling image, but also confusing to me.
I welcome each strange creature,
seeing bursts of yellowish light
firecrackers filling me with a golden glow
I am red with the color of love.
Am I dead?
Nevermind. I am at peace now. It is complete.
I awake to a mystery,
walking along a majestic sea of crystal glass
a dolphin leaping out of the blue
a white glove
beckons me, make this one line
turns me into a speckled wide-eyed wanderer
a grand spiral staircase coming forth
Heaven-sent
the hand points and turns as if a clock
“Ascend,” it says.
I yield and obey.
It is nudging me,
irritating me.
Where am I going?
The steps bleed together
My legs grow tired.
I don’t want to climb anymore.
I peer to my side.
What if I jumped?
I am nearly faint of heart,
gasping. one line i think, no need to isolate gasping
one final step and I'm out of breath.
- A doorway
I collapse against the wood
breathing
instinctively, my hand wanders the keyhole
- A peek inside reveals an entire universe.
I look to my friend, but there is no response. I was a little puzzled where this friend came from since it's the first mention of another person
my heart is beating in my chest wildly
observing, I wonder?
I place my wet, sweaty fingers into the hole,
fingering for a moment.
yes. there it is. a latch.
I grab the trigger.
My moist, hot hand now dripping
and with a click, a release,
the door is ajar now, revealing glowing light
Entering, the glove is removed
Revealed as a dove
She flies away, leaving a swirl of colors behind her
She says, "I am spirit and I am breath of your flesh.
I give you permission to dwell in both universes now.”
I fall down as I see colors I've never seen before
A masterpiece of pink opening up like a woman's bosom
My own chest collapses
I am aching with love
tears flowing
Swirls of purple effervescence all about
Spiraling, dancing around me
I have become Snow White,
graced by the song of blue birds
perching on my shoulder,
a brown-grey rabbit at my feet,
a rooster cock-a-doodling. I'm ambivalent about the Snow White section. It's a startling image, but also confusing to me.
I welcome each strange creature,
seeing bursts of yellowish light
firecrackers filling me with a golden glow
I am red with the color of love.
Am I dead?
Nevermind. I am at peace now. It is complete.