05-07-2021, 11:02 PM
(This post was last modified: 05-07-2021, 11:03 PM by RiverNotch.)
little notes. alternatives to alternatives
first stanza end with a colon, maybe? semicolon feels wrong
i think maybe you're going for a cut off or a trail with that em dash on the second stanza? but since it's a complete thought that directly ties to the next (blood and stomach being both visceral) i'd end with period.
i agree with mark on the third. feels better to do all couplets. or maybe i like regularity xD but i'd go
"I had no stomach
for those stripes that deny
"me mine. Call me a house cat..."
never owned cats. is feeding them sawdust a thing? for abusers? or is that a metaphor? but it's all good. i prefer predator for the end, it's punchier
meow. also i just watched a passage to india (have yet to read the book lol) and read some stuff on orthodox eschatology, so this got to me somewhat
also, idk how intentional it is, but Felis is cat, Felix is happiness.
first stanza end with a colon, maybe? semicolon feels wrong
i think maybe you're going for a cut off or a trail with that em dash on the second stanza? but since it's a complete thought that directly ties to the next (blood and stomach being both visceral) i'd end with period.
i agree with mark on the third. feels better to do all couplets. or maybe i like regularity xD but i'd go
"I had no stomach
for those stripes that deny
"me mine. Call me a house cat..."
never owned cats. is feeding them sawdust a thing? for abusers? or is that a metaphor? but it's all good. i prefer predator for the end, it's punchier
meow. also i just watched a passage to india (have yet to read the book lol) and read some stuff on orthodox eschatology, so this got to me somewhat
also, idk how intentional it is, but Felis is cat, Felix is happiness.