05-07-2021, 12:58 AM
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Hi TqB,
'plain song' (or plainsong) misleads, for me. I was expecting something more lyrical with that title
and the inconsistent rhyming seemed haphazard rather than intentional.
1.
Papa’s got the sunset blues
Ixnay’s got a bottle on the news
Tranquillity Base,
my candle’s almost gone.
So begins the Song.
(The inconsistent first word capitals quickly becomes irritating).
Do the gaps in earlier sections get filled in enough for the reader in later sections, etc.?
I don't think you're asking the right question. A more pertinent one might be: do the earlier section make the reader want to keep reading? For me, the answer is no.
The first and most obvious lack is of an introduction.
The final stanza of 13 seems to offer some explanation for what comes before, but it is too little and far, far too late. (Though I really liked the final couplet). As an extension of the thought, I don't understand why it begins, rather than ends, with 1. Tranquility Base.
(Absent an introduction, I'd consider starting with 2.)
2. The tranquility base 'parts' seem intrusive (particularly as this precedes 3. Errors in transmission).
There's a huge cast of characters, none of which develop beyond their name. There's no emotional depth.
3. after her unwanted abortion,
he got months, I got hours.
Is 'he' the aborted fetus?
Already, I've too many questions; like, what is 'the Prester John'? Who is 'Lalan'? What is Tranquility Base (in reality or as metaphor)? ... It's a very long list.
4. You've 'Muse' in the title, yet it keeps appearing in the text (tell me something I don't know).
5. Why isn't the order of lines 5 and 6 reversed?
6. Don't know who or what 'Cathar' is (or how it relates to the poem).
We were compadres,
occasionally enemies.
competitors, watching
each others’ romances
unfold, and fold and sometimes cross.................(what does 'cross' mean after unfold and fold?)
Philip was a Bard of conspiracies, .....................how does Philip relate to 'we'?
read Gurdjieff, Ouspensky and sent Colin Wilson
his murder/name theory, and got a reply.
And then he was silent.
So your suicide has been here all along,
looking in,
but I guess I have Regie all to myself now,
here on Tranquillity Base...................how does this relate to anything in this (6) piece?
I’m still working on that koan, Philip.
7. Epilogue to Tranquillity Base
Loris is dead.
Just got the news from the Internet today
though he died two years ago.
And I might care if Loris had been in any of the previous sections, but he wasn't, so I don't.
I'll stop here. I can't connect the pieces. For me there is no coherent whole, it's too personal, too self-referential (and I'm not convinced that it wants to be understood).
Best, Knot
.
Hi TqB,
'plain song' (or plainsong) misleads, for me. I was expecting something more lyrical with that title
and the inconsistent rhyming seemed haphazard rather than intentional.
1.
Papa’s got the sunset blues
Ixnay’s got a bottle on the news
Tranquillity Base,
my candle’s almost gone.
So begins the Song.
(The inconsistent first word capitals quickly becomes irritating).
Do the gaps in earlier sections get filled in enough for the reader in later sections, etc.?
I don't think you're asking the right question. A more pertinent one might be: do the earlier section make the reader want to keep reading? For me, the answer is no.
The first and most obvious lack is of an introduction.
The final stanza of 13 seems to offer some explanation for what comes before, but it is too little and far, far too late. (Though I really liked the final couplet). As an extension of the thought, I don't understand why it begins, rather than ends, with 1. Tranquility Base.
(Absent an introduction, I'd consider starting with 2.)
2. The tranquility base 'parts' seem intrusive (particularly as this precedes 3. Errors in transmission).
There's a huge cast of characters, none of which develop beyond their name. There's no emotional depth.
3. after her unwanted abortion,
he got months, I got hours.
Is 'he' the aborted fetus?
Already, I've too many questions; like, what is 'the Prester John'? Who is 'Lalan'? What is Tranquility Base (in reality or as metaphor)? ... It's a very long list.
4. You've 'Muse' in the title, yet it keeps appearing in the text (tell me something I don't know).
5. Why isn't the order of lines 5 and 6 reversed?
6. Don't know who or what 'Cathar' is (or how it relates to the poem).
We were compadres,
occasionally enemies.
competitors, watching
each others’ romances
unfold, and fold and sometimes cross.................(what does 'cross' mean after unfold and fold?)
Philip was a Bard of conspiracies, .....................how does Philip relate to 'we'?
read Gurdjieff, Ouspensky and sent Colin Wilson
his murder/name theory, and got a reply.
And then he was silent.
So your suicide has been here all along,
looking in,
but I guess I have Regie all to myself now,
here on Tranquillity Base...................how does this relate to anything in this (6) piece?
I’m still working on that koan, Philip.
7. Epilogue to Tranquillity Base
Loris is dead.
Just got the news from the Internet today
though he died two years ago.
And I might care if Loris had been in any of the previous sections, but he wasn't, so I don't.
I'll stop here. I can't connect the pieces. For me there is no coherent whole, it's too personal, too self-referential (and I'm not convinced that it wants to be understood).
Best, Knot
.