War Drum - edit2

[dukealien]

War Drum


rumbling buh-bom, buh-boom
reverberating tympani...
dreams of Saladin’s
camel kettle-drummers
wily retreat
frantic attack
Jerusalem retaken–

wake to thud and thunder
wooly balls bumble-tumble
buttons rattle
trousers flap, pennons
in searing winds of Palestine–

sound-track by my dryer
down the hall

edit1;

Laundry-room booms:
pants and  woolly balls
meant to part them
flop and  thunder in the dryer
random kettle-pounding
like camel-slung tympani
beating fervent pas de charge
for  scimitar-spinning cavalry
in brisk bright dawning
of Islamic empire.


original version;

Electric dryer loaded with
half-damp clothes and
woolly balls intended to
keep them separate
thunders random kettle-drumming
from the laundry alcove
like camel-slung tympani
beating a fervent charge for
scimitar-wielding Muslim cavalry
in their bright dawn of empire.

A little domestic reverie, could go in "For Fun," but how might it be improved?