A Long Night at the Dreary House (revised)

[Mark A Becker]

Hey M.Sun-

Here's what I took away from this piece:

I hope to soak in what it means
to live in the moment,
smoke my long cigarette,
smell my scotch.

A sensation in my heart like jazz-
saxophones and percussion.

I take time to remember
to breathe.


To me, the rest was needless "telling".  That said the images you "show" are well worth keeping.  I found the streetlights distracting, so I axed them completely.  The poem is about jazz, right?  SHOW me what jazz does for you, don't tell me. 

My tendancy is to edit, edit, edit, and you may find that helpful, or not.  But, please DO NOT weigh down the good images with "how I feel" lines that do not connect with this reader, at all.