Crazy hot

[Knot]

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Hi tmanzano,
the piece improves with each revision.
There are a few too many unnecessary pronouns, for me, and I think it might flow better without lines 14-15
(what's the difference between 'chit chat' and 'small talk'?) and lines 23-24. Also, I think line 27 offers a much
more satisfactory ending (it's a great line )



Some cut and paste suggestions.



The man down the hall
watches me leave
every morning. I catch him

staring. I smile and wave
he throws rocks
through his own windows

today I would like to avoid him.                (you've two 'likes' in close proximity)

Each winter we shovel salt.
He becomes(?) subdued
by the heavy air.                                        (feels like you could elaborate this, just a little)

His pill boxes overflow
in Zinnia, reminding me                            (curious about the 'in', wondered if it should be 'with'?)
of a wedding.

I like it when he grows
flowers in spring - then
he seems to smile more

Summer's crazy hot,
people scampering
like ants under glass - like                        (why the 'like' at the end of the line?
                                                                   I think 'ants' implies a large number so you don't need 'filled with')
like Cicada-hum
in the trees, like voices
in manic phase.

Those evenings he paces
screaming, in circles
with ice black eyes

I don't think I can take the medication tonight

I slap my face with water,
bite my arms
pull glass
from my forehead
try not to stare
at him.

because it's summer in my bathroom mirror.



Best, Knot

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