Night Terror
#4
(03-21-2021, 03:02 AM)alexorande Wrote:  It's the way their faces vanish
anytime their heads would turn
that makes me wonder if the days have slipped
between the forming cracks.
They are either warm no longer
or I have forgotten their warmth. (Forgotten their warmth sounds poetic in a way, nice expression)

Blank, as if their eyes, nose, and mouth
were smeared away
like blood paints skin. (Nice simile!) They're walking towards something, possibly (Trotting? Trekking? That might work!)
someone. I'm stalking them
but I'm not trying to hide.

Long ago, they'd croon to me as I lay on their lap,
but the sounds playing from their bodies stab and thrash the wind
until the wind screams so helplessly. Yet somehow, I understood
that they yearn to sink into some distant lake (Distant lake sounds vague say iridescent lake instead, just a thought)
to sing lullabies to someone dormant that they call (I think instead of that say "Which" instead) reads better!
my older brother. He smiles in his sleep
with fangs made of moonlight. (I don't quite get this image, why moonlight? And why fangs?)

An eye opens. I begin to drown
as he tries to swallow me. (Who is trying to swallow you? You made no clarity on this)
Anyway you have a lot to say here, I like the title and it is very fitting for this poem, since it is about night terrors.

Thanks for sharing!
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Messages In This Thread
Night Terror - by alonso ramoran - 03-21-2021, 03:02 AM
RE: Night Terror - by TranquillityBase - 03-23-2021, 08:11 PM
RE: Night Terror - by cloud - 04-14-2021, 05:18 AM
RE: Night Terror - by Majestic Sun - 04-18-2021, 07:19 AM



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