unmelted - edit

[dukealien]

unmelted


ice vitrifies my thoughts this jewel day (Jewel day? What does that mean?) I would remove jewel day to reflecting day, it can remind the reader of a mirror or something reflected!
  oaks diamond-clad
  streets dimly pearled
  onyx bushes flocked with moonstone wool (Interesting image, what is moonstone wool?)

bright bitter beauty’s gemstone silences
deep-frozen as your unresponsive heart (Nice ending! I like the simile of deep frozen as your unresponsive heart) Really good writing

original version;
Unmelted


Ice occupies my thoughts this jewel day
  trees diamond-clad
  streets dimly pearled
  jet bushes flocked with moonstone fleece

bright bitter beauty’s gemstone silences
deep-frozen as your unresponsive heart.

Wow! I like this little ditty of a poem! I like the way you form images using words like "streets dimly pearled" and "onyx bushes" what is moonstone wool? That was something I didn't understand. But other than that you have a great poem. I made some comment above. By the way: the original version isn't as good as the current one. But at least it carries poetic weight.

Thanks, haven't found a better alternative to "vitrifies" yet.

Moonstone is a semiprecious white gemstone that is opalescent and a bit translucent.  I was actually thinking of a type of Depression glass, also called "moonstone," that blends from white at the edges to clear glass at the center with a hobnail texture.  The bushes in question were clumped with white snow (looking a bit like wool on sheep) at the top, glazed with a light frozen sun-melt, and also shading into clear ice coating down the stems.  Those bushes, by the way, are now brown, papery, and crumble when touched:  they're quite dead.  Some life in North Texas is not coming back after the freeze.