Night Terror

[cloud]

Hi Alex, 

I think your piece could really benefit from a little more coherency. the nightmarish imagery isn't very profound (not that it should be relatable necessarily) but as it stands now it's just more confusing than anything. 

It's a good stab nonetheless. 

It's the way their faces vanish expand on this. does it happen in an instant, or slowly?
anytime their heads would turn
that makes me wonder if the days have slipped 
between the forming cracks.
They are either warm no longer
or have I forgotten their warmth. I would replace warmth with whatever made them warm for you in the first place. like the sun, perhaps.

Blank, as if their eyes, nose, and mouth
were smeared away
like blood paints skin. They're walking towards something, possibly 
someone. I'm stalking them
but I'm not trying to hide. I don't believe this stanza is taking the piece in the right direction. it leaves unanswered questions in the middle of the poem that do not get revisited later on.

Long ago, they'd croon to me as I lay on their lap, starting with 'long ago' is risky. maybe something more direct like "as a child" 
but the sounds playing from their bodies stab and thrash the wind
until the wind screams so helplessly. Yet somehow, I understood
that they yearn to sink into some distant lake
to singing lullabies to someone dormant that they call
my older brother. He smiles in his sleep everything up until now sounds like a really bad trip story, my advice would be to make it more coherent. 
with fangs made of moonlight. this could be different but it works 

An eye opens. I begin to drown 
as he tries to swallow me.

I don't think this ended on a strong note. to me it just adds more confusion